Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Whom will you marry your son/daughter to ?

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If you have a marriageable son or daughter and someone asks you a question like the one asked in the heading of this article, you will fumble to answer as you will be confused and perplexed. The answer to this question is not straight like yes/no or this /that. The process of finding a suitable match is very complex and mentally challenging.

If you look back a few decades, two pregnant ladies would make an understanding to get married their progeny if both of them are born of different sex. There only thing that mattered most was nobility of families. In fact, economically, most of the families were at par with each other so there was no importance given to monetary aspect.

Then times changed. people started coming out of their villages to bigger cities like Mumbai , Calcutta or Madras. There they got opportunities to advance economically. So new alignments unintentionally started in the samaj. People started to look for alliance of their children in the same category they were in. Still, people would not go out of Samaj. Not only that members would take pride in saying that their children got married in the samaj itself.

Again times changed. Today people are frowned upon when they say they have married their children in our samaj only. People have started going out to other samaj for they have become more selective and they do not mind going to unknown families.

Thus on one side change in economical stability has changed the perception about marriage. On the other side, TV has also played a major role. Good looking faces of actresses and robust & chiseled bodies of actors are shown which has raised the minimum requirement standard of boys & girls. They do not worry about nobility of the opposite family but go after their size & shape. Marriage has become a game as a result divorce has become a normal thing of life thanks to TV. What we forget here is those on TV are specially selected and prepared for the show. The money they spend on make up per episode is much more than the monthly incomes of many of the families of samaj. Have you ever thought how many good looking faces are there in all the gujarati communities taken together ? What are your chances of getting those good looking faces for your child ? Over and above this what is the guarantee that the so called good looking person will match with your family temperament-wise ?

Age as such does not play any part in marriage but 95% of boys will decline to marry a girl elder to him.They will go and consult a jyotishi and believe his words for happy marriage but will not see what is apparently visible.They try to find solace in the unknown. Have you ever seen a couple happily married and not quarreling ? Intimacy & closeness only breeds contempt. We will not worry about testing our blood for thalesemia which can play havoc in your life as your progeny will suffer life threatening disease and you will be spending lot of money , hard earned, on treatment of your child. You will not worry about financial disparity of your wife's/husband's family with your family which is likely to create sparks in the longer run as after initial phase, real problems come up and difference in life styles can create unforeseen problems in life. Educational compatibility also is compromised against looks many times.

To add fuel to fire, the middle man has vanished so new arrangements are to be worked out. A simple way out is to circulate the bio data of boy/girl at right places. Good advertisement will work wonders for both parents & boy/girl as getting right person is equally important for parents as well as boy/girl. New trend is giving the information on specially developed marriage sites for a fee or to display the information on our blog free of charge. But people are afraid of putting the information on blog . By not putting enough efforts in publishing your child's bio data, you are depriving the child of an opportunity of finding right person in his/her life.

Thus very vital things for marriage to work are ignored and trivial matters are given undue importance. If samaj really wants to sort the problem and would want to help parents of samaj in getting right boy or girl for their child, the children of the society should meet more & more to understand each other. Simply arranging Milan Samarohs for Yuvaks & Yuvatis will not suffice. Samaj should arrange for a day or 2 days trip for marriageable Boys & Girls. This is an Indian version of Dating. Once boys see girls for longer duration unlike meeting in a hotel for 20-25 minutes, they will be having a clear cut idea and may find interest in the girl he is interacting with. More over the boys/girls will know what type of spouse they can expect when they see many boys/ girls at a time. This seems to be a strategy which may work for good of the community. But for that you have to think out of the box. Be bold, be different.

Our samaj has to be a trend setter in this regard. There are many generous members in the samaj who do not mind contributing for trip of a day or two. Instead of giving the donation for Yuvak/Yuvati Samaroh, they should sponsor the trip. Is any body ready for that ? Who will come forward to experiment?

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